Elephant Syndrome

Of all the situations that annoy and aggravate me, I think the one thing that tops the list is forgetfulness. I HATE forgetting things. I'm fairly certain this is closely related to the permanent row of ducks that follow me everywhere I go. My ducks are the most disciplined ducks ever to exist. Flexibility is not one of my strong points and my ducks are well-aware of that. This level of intensity makes forgetting things highly inconvenient and very frustrating -- one of my ducks is wandering around aimlessly and is throwing off the balance of the entire row! I mention this aggravation because last night in bed I composed the perfect blog. Seriously, perfect: you would have laughed, you would have cried, you would have closed this blog thinking, "They might not write often, but when they do -- Wow." Or anyway, I'm pretty sure it would have been all of these things if I hadn't FORGOTTEN it. There's a chance that the haze of oncoming sleep made a mediocre blog draft seem stellar, but to punish my wandering duck, I refuse to admit that. I have spent precious minutes today trying to piece together this amazing blog. So far this is all I can remember.
I've decided recently that __________, two of which ______________.
That's it! Prefect blog, lost by the overwhelming need for sleep.

The other irritation concerned with forgetfulness is when other people said they had something to tell you, but they forgot. Really, what good does that statement do me? It is not my fault that one of your ducks left your row. But then I name arbitrary categories that might stir a trigger memory. So not only are your ducks out of the row, now it's my problem that you forgot. And then, of course, the importance of the forgotten idea is completely exaggerated so that something that would have been funny or interesting without the work of two people remembering it, is now anticlimactic. So really, everyone would be better off if you kept it to yourself that you had something to tell, but you forgot. But then in saying this, I am outlawing the first section in this blog. I guess what it comes down to is that it's okay for me to forget, but not anyone else. Seems fair enough.

Dependencies

Ironically, now that I am legally independent of my parents, I find myself to be more dependent than ever. This predicament is especially irritating as I struggle to transition between college-life and the "real world." Working 40 hours a week sure makes me miss the flexibility of a college schedule. But then, who wants to relive the hundreds of papers and frequent tests. A "real" job would actually give me some say in my day to day activities that doesn't include vast amounts with dinosaurs. But being overqualified makes for no work at home; not a bad deal. So, even though I am currently independent of both college and the future, I am strangely dependent on the idea of both of them to get through the present. What a quandary. Here are some other dependencies I've developed this year.

1.) Books -- Spending time with the kids that cannot even read leaves me craving for intellectual conversation. Because I am home with only a cat for a companion, my books become essential in making me feel like an educated person.

2.) Denise Austin's encouragement -- There are two adult-sized chairs in my classroom, both of which I am not allowed to sit in. That leaves 36 chairs that dig into the middle of my back and the tile floor. Pilates is the only reason I can physically get up in the morning.

3.) Bill -- He has always helped me with problems, but he is answering questions and making complaint telephone calls like a fiend this year. Who knew insurance, the internet, and even the bathtub could be so complicated?

I guess the lesson is that no matter how independent the law, or you, think you are, independence really leads to more dependencies.

Happy New Year!

Again, sorry about the delay. That one phrase seems to be repeated fairly regularly in these posts; I guess I am not as efficient as I was as a crazed college student. Now I am just laid-back Beth. "What? You want me to spend two hours cutting out paper snowflakes? Sure, no problem." Laid-back Beth. I think there is only room for one efficient AKA crazy person around here, and that role has been filled. See? This is clearly not my fault.

Bill and I made it to and from Wisconsin safely with about 100 tons of luggage, a work friend from Milwaukee, and a cat in tow. Lola was surprisingly good. The real drama began when she met Bill's dog, Grace, but we don't need to relive that day. The break was filled with family and time in the car shuttling back and forth between our two houses. It is obvious that another system is needed for the next visit. Despite the intensity of the visit, I would do it again in a second. I missed Wisconsin and all of it's wonder as soon as we left. And it is for that reason only that I am including this next section, that yes, is a cheesy forwarded e-mail, but it's Wisconsin and I love it!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the Highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals ).
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Packers as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
20. You know how to polka.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down South to you means Illinois.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday
27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
29. You find minus twenty degrees "a little chilly."

We hope you had a safe and happy holiday. We love you all!